The Grief Walk

1)Summer of 2002-mom's long hospital stay (6 weeks)

2)Dad's battle with cancer ended Jan. 20,2003

3)Mom had 2 hip replacements and several extended hospital stays from 2003 until 2005

4)SEPT.,2004 My husband's place of work went Bankrupt and left 400 people without work or severance packages.Also their pension had been underfunded and we couldn't even rely on that. This lasted for 16 months before the mill was bought by another company.My husband had worked there 34 years and could find only manual work.

5)Mom died of congestive heart failure twice. First time-June 6,2005. They revived her and she died after a difficult 2 days-June8,2005

6)My only sibling(4 years younger) died suddenly of a massive heart attack-Nov.7,2005.With his death his 2 daughters were left virtually without roots. Their mother was having emotional problems and spent several weeks in the hospital. The only other close relatives were myself and their mother's sister. She lived several hundred miles away. So naturally they became part of my family. Together we got through that first Christmas.

7) My youngest daughter's fiance was killed in an accident-Jan.31,2006

8) In March,2006 our oldest son was diagnosed with cancer in the leg-Osteosarcoma (The TERRY FOX kind) so the year was filled with chemo, transfusions, surgery, suffering!At his age this type of cancer is rare so went undetected nearly a year.

9)In September,2006 our youngest grandson was born with an open soft palate. Definitely not a tragedy but a complication.(He had successful surgery at 18 months in Halifax,NS)

10)December 26,2007 our son died just 3 days past his 34th Birthday.


Because these events have been ongoing with very little time between tragedies, I find I am afraid, thinking -What Next?
In another post I'll talk about the scriptures that gave me strength day by day.
God's faithfulness, peoples love and concern, friends that find ways to make you laugh, Family; these are the elements that are essential to emotional survival in difficult times.

Helpful thots

A Time to Mourn" From the Oneplace Team..."There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven -- A time to give birth and a time to die; ... A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:1-4
One of God's purposes for our lives is to enjoy them, but it is not the ONLY purpose. Facing the realities of life opens us up to receive wisdom, which includes maturity. We have to take the good with the bad, and say like Job, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord."
Contemplating our lifespan, the limits of our dreams and aspirations -- things that matter most in life -- can make us melancholic and sober. But, as Christians, we have an eternal and Godly point of view, which is an eternal one. Because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice, death itself has been conquered. No longer do we have the fear of eternal death that once hung over us. We will miss our loved ones who have gone on, but we know where they are and we will see them again. "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints." Psalm 116:15
Suffering is simply a fact of life. In sickness and disease, we experience physical suffering. In trials and tribulations, we experience mental and emotional suffering, but Revelation 21:4 states that in heaven "neither shall there be any more pain." In John 14:1, Jesus states, "Let not your hearts be troubled." We can be at peace since we are assured that in heaven there will be no more sorrow. (Revelation 21:4)
Death causes great heartache when losing someone very dear and mourning is part of dealing with that loss; however, Jesus promises in Matthew 5:4 that those who mourn will be comforted. He promises us that He has a place prepared for us once this life is over. (John 14:1-4)
As children of God, the moment we close our eyes in death, we will be instantaneously transported into the presence of God

A dream

Sometime during the night ,my brother lived again. It was so real. I could see the color slowly coming back in his face. He would get out of his coffin and talk,wipe dishes, laugh and then he would lay back down. I knew he was filled with formaldehyde and was puzzled that he could live again. Even though I thought it must be my mind playing tricks,I didn't want them to close the casket again. I kept saying, "Let him come and go as he pleases".
I thought that he could enjoy his life and we could do things together again.
I woke up with a headache.
But the day is beautiful with sun bouncing off new snow. The birds and the dogs need fed. I must be about the day!!!

Sundays

We used to take our four children and go to church on Sunday mornings then go on up to mom and dad's. Mom would have a big meal prepared. Homemade bread and our favorite dessert. The smell as we walked toward the house and the welcome as we entered were so precious and we didn't know it. you never think ,at the time, how short that time is when all are well and together. Sundays are lonesome.
Dad ,with his chuckles, jokes and stories as he sat by the window, keep floating just out of reach. Mitch laying sideways on the couch, dogs and clutter. Could we have enjoyed it more, appreciated it more if we'd known how brief it was.?

The Beginning

This grief walk started ,intensely started, in the summer of 2002. My mother spent 5 weeks laying in one hospital waiting to go to another for a heart operation. Throughout that long summer I spent time between houses and hospital,with my dad and my nieces as well as tending to my own family.One day while at my parents house preparing for my niece's birthday, I noticed that dad looked really grey. He had gone out to work at the wood and shortly came back in. When I mentioned that he should see a Doctor, he said he would as soon as mom was back home. By September mom had survived her heart operation and come back home. In October dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. Jan.20th,2003 dad died and so began the many losses in our family.

Jan/07

A word,a picture, a song and lonliness nearly chokes me. Christmas Eve they always gathered here for the Christmas story,songs, laughter and ,of course, lots of food. I could see my brother's big hands as he played guitar and sang 'Grandma's Feather Bed',I could hear dad chuckle and see mom sitting at the table still eating long after we were headed to the family room for songs and presents.
I wish the phone would ring, I wish I could get in the car and drive out, I wish , I wish, i wish......